I want to walk. I mean, really walk. Like cover some ground, explore new places, get sweaty, walk. I have recently felt led to pray boldly to God to help me walk– really walk– again.
Now, I can and do walk some. My legs work fine. Being able to walk around the house or short distances from the car is a huge blessing that I no longer take for granted, and I am grateful. But with POTS and NCS, my brain doesn’t tell my blood to circulate properly when I’m upright, so I can only walk short distances before symptoms become too bad, my brain gets too little oxygen, and I have to sit down.
Mark and I would love to see me hiking again, us strolling hand-in-hand down the street again (not me pushed in the wheelchair), me parking far from stores and walking to my heart’s content, me exploring our neighborhood with the kids, me shopping without a scooter. Not walking far makes impossible a lot of things we’d like to do and that are usually a part of most people’s daily lives.
So, why haven’t I been praying for this all along?
If I’m being honest, it’s because I’ve been scared– scared of God saying “no” and me being disappointed. Lately, though, God has answered some of my specific prayers for friends in wonderful ways. I think He’s giving me the courage to approach His throne of grace boldly, as He tells me to do in His Word.
And the other day, in the space of a half hour, He sent two people coming down my path, right in front of the park bench where my grandmother and I sat as my kids played nearby. One person, an attractive woman in her 40s, was walking awkwardly, painfully, with the use of a cane. Another, a young man close to 20 uttering garbled words, was being pushed by his mother, his flailing limbs strapped in a high-tech wheelchair.
I felt as though, through these people, God was reminding me He is sovereign. He cares about His suffering children. Many are struggling with very difficult, no-easy-answer situations, tangible or not. He is going to work His will in my life– and the lives of all His children– for good, no matter how He answers my prayers. I can trust Him, and I am going to be praying boldly, “Lord, I want to walk. If it be Your will, please let me walk.” I am also going to have to rely on Him out of my own physical weakness or any strength He gives me.
I know that whatever my journey–literal and figurative– looks like on this earth, I will join with many others as we walk together one day: “then shall the lame man leap like a deer, and the tongue of the mute sing for joy” (Isaiah 35:6).
What are you nervous to pray for?
P.S. I love this blogpost, “There are more important things in life than walking.”