So we DID have a great time at the mountains, but I also poked fun at my difficulties on our recent mountain getaway with my Mountain Getaway DOs and DON’Ts for POTSies list. In reality, though, my limitations during traveling are a huge loss to me. I have always loved to travel, and now it is much harder– don’t you always want to be in your own bed when you feel sick?
Thanks to very generous friends, we have gone to the same mountain cabin several years in a row. Last year, we went for my husband’s birthday, and I was grouchy and irritable, because with my new illness, I couldn’t hike, go down to the river, cook him a special birthday meal, or do much of anything. I prayed this year that God would help me be grateful for the many blessings of the trip.
This time, though, I was sad– sad that I was stuck inside while my family explored the woods and creek. It is good and right to grieve our losses in this life. I am learning what that can look like.
God broke into my thoughts, though, as I was looking at the yellow-tipped trees from the comfort of the quilt-covered bed. I thought about how Mark and I love to make our kids happy and love to give them a wonderful life… but we don’t want our kids to have everything they want. We intentionally deny them, at times, that new gadget, that kind-faced doll, the right-now shoes, not because those things are bad or because we don’t love our kids, but because we DO love them, because we want them to find their hope elsewhere. We shower them with many things, many blessings… but not every blessing. This world will not satisfy them, and any parent knows he or she cannot completely satisfy a child, no matter how many gifts that child receives.
And you know what? I am another of those kids who can’t quite be satisfied. A trip to the mountains is restorative… but it’s not enough. A warm, beautiful cabin with cable TV is pretty fabulous… but it’s not enough. And if I COULD hike, if I COULD stand on the bridge and throw rocks into the creek, I know that wouldn’t be enough either. It would be fun, it would be a blessing, I would be grateful (I hope), but it wouldn’t be enough.
I need Jesus, and as the sunlight filtered through the trees to my spot under the covers, He reached down to me with me His presence. He will not abandon me, and He longs to be in relationship with me, His often-unsatisfiable child. Amazing love! How can it be?
Where do you look to be filled up?