Growing in confidence

Our son has been sick for the better part of a week now (flu-like symptoms; nothing serious) and often mentions how bad he feels, how he wants to get better, and how he can’t do much.  He lies around a lot and when he’s up, he walks around droopy, pasty, and lethargic.  It all sounds a bit like my own life, I will say!

However, although I certainly still have my share of walking around droopy and telling my family I feel bad, I realized I have gained some confidence, too.  Although I have not gotten way, WAY better, I am getting kind of used to being sick and am definitely better at making decisions that enable me to maximize my days and doings.

I know, now, that on a good day, I can mop a section of the kitchen floor before sitting to rest in the family room for a while until I do the next one.  I know now that I can probably chat perkily for a while at a party if I make sure I’m seated and am drinking a glass of salt water.  I know to rest before certain big events and avoid other ones altogether.

I’m also cautious about certain things:  I’m still gunshy about walking the entirety of our church, because I’ve gotten too close to presyncope too many times.  I’m still hesitant to give my son a buzzcut while I’m standing, because I grow too lightheaded.  I’m still careful to have a stool in the kitchen so I can sit down at a moment’s notice while prepping meals.

I have made progress in adapting to my altered lifestyle with a chronic illness; however, I would like to understand more about how to live with POTS and NCS.  I mentioned that we are considering having me go to a three-week program at the Mayo Clinic for people like me who have autonomic dysfunction.  Today, I will undergo the last local medical tests needed for Mayo’s evaluation of all my records, then I should hear in a couple weeks whether they will accept me as a patient.  I’ll keep you posted!

Have you had to adapt to a very different life than you thought you’d have?  How have you done that?

I can even play mini golf if I just do a few holes and sit down in between-- the pasty face shows now's the time to sit!
I can even play mini golf if I just do a few holes and sit down in between– the pasty face shows now’s the time to sit!

Top Ten List of Blessings from POTS/NCS

Sometimes it’s easy for me to focus on the limitations POTS/NCS causes.  After all, I feel and experience them throughout the day, everyday.

However, I’m also beginning to be able to see more clearly the blessings, yes, true blessings, this illness has brought into my life.

In random order, here is my TOP TEN LIST OF BLESSINGS FROM POTS / NCS:

10.  A more slow-paced lifestyle.  I am beginning to see that maybe I was a little too busy back in the day.

9. More compassion for those who suffer.  I have a long way to go, but I am beginning to truly understand, in some ways.

8. Greater dependence on God.  I need Him every hour.  Literally.

7.  Fewer wrinkles.  How’s that for a perk?  A friend mentioned once that my face looked so great, and I realized my new, low-stress life does seem to be stopping my wrinkles in their tracks.

6. Seeing God at work, actively caring for me and our family.  He has not abandoned us.  (I can’t wait to read the 2015 Blessings Jar on New Year’s Eve.)

5. Our kids seeing Mama can’t do it all and needs their help, thus they are getting good practice serving.  Our oldest son got the CLEANING AWARD at a recent youth group retreat.  (Yikes… hope that wasn’t too embarrassing.) Turns out, he rocked while cleaning their cabin, after meals, etc, maybe partially because all three kids now know their way around some toilet bowl cleaner, dustpans, Windex, you name it.

4. Noncompeting schedules in our marriage, since mine is quite free. (Not a necessity, but I’m enjoying the blessing aspect.)

3. More of my physical presence around the house for my family.  While they’re here, I am not often out and about doing errands, meetings, get-togethers, etc.  I think they really like this. (Ditto, parenthetical statement above.)

2.  Seeing God’s people help in so many ways.  This is a huge encouragement.  After we recently enjoyed a fantastic meal someone brought, I told Mark, “This makes being sick a lot more tolerable.”

1.  Freedom to wear cute shoes that may be too big, too small, or a bit uncomfortable– and not have them wear out– since I don’t walk that much.  Ladies, this is AWESOME!  My shoes always look brand new.  (The scuff marks below are certainly all from previous owners, I’m sure!)

"Kristi, you are so good at arranging your pristine shoes, you should be a display stylist," said no one, ever.
“Kristi, you are so good at arranging your pristine shoes, you should be a display stylist,” said no one, ever.

Hey, when you find a cute pair, it’s nice not to have to worry about pesky details like whether the shoe actually fits!

 

A little taxed…. but no more!

Several of you far-flung blog readers have checked on me recently in my posting absence.  Thank you!  I am glad to report I am here, doing about the same as I have been.  Really, I only have one thing to blame for my silence:  TAXES.  However, I am proud to report that as of Saturday, I completed our taxes; I took them to the post office this morning; and now they are a thing of the past!

I have mentioned before that I have limited physical energy to spend; I also have limited mental energy. Doing our taxes took weeks for me, as I had teeny little chunks of mental-energy times to work on them little by little. (Plus, time on the computer makes me feel worse, so it was mostly limited to tax-doing.) I know I’m not alone in taxes taking forever, but the mental-energy thing feels a bit different. For example, I recently agreed to help our community swimming pool with a small aspect of membership: I spend 30-60 minutes a week on it, and it feels like I’m maxed out. (And no, the word “minutes” wasn’t a typo for “hours”!) In this picture, I’m organizing a drawer stuffed with papers from the past six months or so, and it will take me several days to do it.

paperflood

I’m certainly not alone in things taking forever– those of you working, caring for others, volunteering, homeschooling, single parenting, homemaking, or doing any number of things only have limited time for many things.  It just feels strange for things to take so long when I have so much time!  But in some ways, I don’t really mind that all this takes a while (having little ones in the house all day, every day for years gave me some experience with slow-task-completion that I know many of you mamas are still dealing with!); however, I just need to make sure I keep my schedule pretty clear so it doesn’t get overwhelmed. This is a stark contrast to the full, fast-paced life I used to have!

By the way, did you know that people with POTS tend to have been high achievers before they became ill? Strange but true (at least anecdotally– but occurring often enough to be mentioned in Mayo Clinic literature on POTS commonalities). I’ve also read that people with POTS tend to be women, often tall and on the trim side, often fair-skinned with blue eyes.  Sounds familiar! Hmmm… maybe I should work on my tan this summer, fill up on junk food, get colored contacts, be sure to wear flats, and it’ll all be a thing of the past.

Do you like doing taxes? I actually don’t mind too much, especially when we get a little refund! Anyone getting a refund this year and doing something fun with it?

God’s GOT this!

So I was going to do a long-delayed blog post the other day.  I summoned up my remaining shreds of energy, turned on the computer, found a cute picture, and… Internet Explorer would NOT load.  I mean it!  It was not going to open.  I clicked, double-clicked, right-clicked, went thru various menus– NO SOUP FOR YOU! (I mean, no Internet for me!)  I couldn’t get online at all.

Hence, no blog post.

God cracks me up.  For a couple years now, He has been “canceling” things that I put on my agenda. We signed up to host missionaries one weekend– nope, sorry, turned out they have relatives in town.  I tried to sign up to bring a new mom a meal — oh, too bad, turns out the meal plan was either deleted or was unavailable to my eyes only.  We made plans to keep a young couple’s baby so they could have a date.  Oops, surprise, their inlaws showed up in town that afternoon to take the whole family out– no babysitting happening.

One “good” thing after the next that I’ve tried to do has been canceled over the last couple years. I’ve gotten the hint and try to make my own “helpful” plans a lot less often, for this current season.

I truly believe God is telling me, “I’ve got this! I do not need you to do all sorts of things to enact My kingdom purposes.  I love you too much to let you think you can find your worth and identity in DOing.  Just be– be mine.”  (Seriously:  One particular time as I cried out to Him in frustration at being unable to DO, I heard Him respond to my heart, “Kristi! I’VE GOT THIS!”)

I love it. He is helping me surrender teensy bit by teensy bit.

Where do you need to surrender and BE?  Or, where might be God asking you to step out in faith and DO?